So many thoughts

Its been a while since I have posted a blog...but I am up early this morning...feeling better then I have in over week....Thank God!   No but I am up with all kind of thoughts going through my mind.   How many people go in debt for Christmas?   How many people give a gift just to say they have given?   My husband was standing in the door way and I was talking to him about Christmas....and he made the comment "oh....I thought you were going to suggest we do something different this year....like work in a soup kitchen"   I remember thinking that would be nice but no.... I read something this morning that has me stirred!   What if we got really radical and did not open any gifts at all on Christmas morning....what if we totally gave back!   What if my kids got excited because they knew they were giving to a child that was in need...or was helping to serve food to those who had none......as I am sitting here I all ready know I will get phone calls or emails from loved ones and friends saying that I have lost my mind....but how much better is it to give then to receive. I want to live so much different then I have been .   I feel as if I have been dead but ready to be revived.   I don't want to live life as I use to.    I want to have so much God in me that others see it to!   I want to be more then just a Wednesday or Sunday Christian  I want to live a life that is pleasing to Him.....I want my kids to grow up with a love and relationship with God that comes from understanding His love.   As I am sitting here.....all I can think of is how can I give back....I am blessed more then I deserve.....How can I bless others? Well little ones are up and stirring....I just presented the idea to them....should have seen the twins faces....they were stunned with the idea.....guess I have lots and lots of praying to do.

Contentment

It's been a while since I blogged but I have had so much going on but wanted to share about the "remodeling"  We live in a very humble home of 1200 square feet which at times can feel very small and tight when you have four children and two dogs and one bathroom.   Anyone who knows me knows how badly I want a bigger home.  I love to have people and family over but we are usually crammed in and so in my mind a bigger home is very much needed.   I know what we are doing will not make much sense to many.   In many peoples minds they will probably think we are crazy and should just buy a new home.  However...there has been some things that have taken place withing me that has changed me so radically that moving is no longer an option.  The desire for a bigger home has been taken from me and I am finding Contentment  in what God has blessed us with!  I think the change for me began when I read the book a 1000 gifts by Ann Voskamp....God really was trying to get a hold of  my heart in that book......then I read Plan B by Pete Wilson.....God is still working on me.....but it was when I read the book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis that it really hit home for me.   Staying in this house makes the most sense.   Why?  I will tell you why....God has blessed us with home that will be paid off soon....its small but cozy....and we are enlarging the house by knocking out some walls and adding a second bathroom.   With staying where we are....which is smack dab in the middle of God's will by the way.  We will be able to give and give more.   When I die and pass from this world I am praying that no one will remember my house but remember me and who I was as a person....and if they do remember my home....I pray that they remember that it was home of warmth and love....that they felt the spirit of God flowing through out.   When I die I cannot take anything with me....my heart is no longer in the things of this world but that of my heavenly home.   My treasure is in heaven.   The things of this world will rust away.....I am seeking more then just things.....I want more of God....my desire for Him is ever increasing.   Yesterday I ripped out the carpet in the 12 x9 room my husband I will now call our bedroom and I felt God so strongly!   I felt as I was ripping out the carpet and the padding the tacks that held it down(not easy job by the way)  I felt I was ripping out the old me...my old desires.  When we are done with this room it will be brand new....just as I feel God is making me.   I don't want to stay the same but grow more in Him.    I am looking forward to what God has in store for us as a family and looking forward to where God is taking me.   I am so blessed and so very thankful for all that He is doing in me!

 “There is no end of craving. Hence contentment alone is the best way to happiness. Therefore, acquire contentment.”

Unplugging to Desire

I was driving the other day....and this thought came to mind....Do we really hear God?  We seem to be so consumed any more with technology and life...do we really slow down and unplug enough to hear the voice of God?   If we are driving we are on our cell phones, listening to music or the kids have a DVD playing.....now mind you this is just in the car....what about at home?  At home we have even more distractions, TV, Computers, Facebook, telephones etc.....so when are we hearing the voice of God? When are we making the time to hear the voice of God?   I have really been thinking about this and I have begun to unplug from things I would normally be plugged into.   I have been making an extra effort to not just unplug but to also slow down life...Slowing down is something I have been working on for a while now and the blessings from that alone have been wonderful....I am also unplugging from  TV before bed..... I would find myself just aimlessly flipping through the channels...and there would be nothing on....and I would ask myself why do I do this?  There is nothing on worth watching and I waste my time every night by doing this....so the other night I just picked up a book that was near my bed and began to read....and Oh what a blessing!  The book is called E.M. Bounds on Prayer.   It is fantastic!   But talk about conviction yikes!  This man died in 1913 and upon reading this I thought he was talking about Christians of today.  The passion he has for prayer and God is simply amazing!  The one chapter that has touched me is the one about Prayer and Desire.    How we must desire prayer and have a passion for it.    It is in this place in prayer that we will see results!  I know with this desire in prayer I will  hear the voice of God and know the things He has for me without question.  I am so thankful that I have started to "unplug" from the things that were keeping from hearing  God.   Its not easy!!!!   Habits are hard to break but I know that the end result will be worth it and only be a positive in my life.  I want to desire the things of God more then things of this world....I want to go deeper in His word and have a deeper relationship with Him more then anything!!!!   The only way I will be able to go to the deeper in God is by plugging into Him.  Prayer...something I must plug into daily for deeper desire and deeper places in Him.
Desire-1. to wish or long for; crave; want.
           2. to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request
           3. a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment
           4. an expressed wish; request
‎"without desire, there is no burden of the soul,no sense of need,no enthusiasm, no vision, no strength, and no glow of faith. There is no strong pressure, no holding on to God with a deathless, despairing grasp-"I will not let thee go, except thou bless me"(Gen.32:26) E.M. Bounds on Prayer pg 132

a Love like no other

As I was standing at the sink washing dishes I began to think of where I was 11 years ago.   all I can say is....what a mess!  I was a broken vessel looking for love and wanting someone to help make all the pain I was feeling go away.  I had emotions I no idea what to do with...but the biggest thing I wanted relief from was my the pain of rejection and the feelings of worthlessness.  I felt like a failure and that I did not deserve to be loved and thoughts that anyone could love me ran through my head almost daily.   I was not educated enough and I had two children and had all ready been married.   How in the world would anyone want me or let alone love me.   I was even told I was not "trophy wife" material....(Nice)...these and other things that were told me and they only pushed me deeper into a world of alcoholism and deeper into a depression. I would not recognize where I was until much later.  All I can say is thank God he was able to patch this broken vessel and take from where I was to where I am today!  Only God could take the hurt left from a divorce,broken relationships and only God fix the voids that plagued me. I am so thankful to know that there is healing from past hurts...even wounds so deep that seem there can be no repairing.  I am so thankful today to know that I am not worthless, I am worth loving and that I am not the things people have said I am.   I am loved!  I was fearfully and wonderfully created for a time such as this.   I know today that just because of my past that does not mean I am not worthy of love....I also know that there is nothing that God will not forgive...and that there is nothing I can do He will not love through.  If it were not for the love of God and for His mercy and Grace I would not be here today.   I have been blessed in abundance and beyond measure just by knowing His love.     Oh how He loves us!!!!!!  
Be blessed

A New Day.....a gift from God

Upon opening my curtains this morning what do I see?   Sunflowers....my blessings.....my gift.  They are blooming and they remind me of sunshine.....I didn't even plant these little blessings of joy.....Whenever I am having a moment during the day....I just take a second .....look out the window and stare at the sunflowers that were planted for me....and I smile:)  For God knew that they would bring joy to me.....How awesome is that!   Its in the little things.....the things we don't even stop to think about.  God is speaking to us. Are we listening?  How can  we get so busy and in such a  hurry that we miss God?  Is that bird singing out my window God's way of singing me a song this morning?   OH the little things we miss.....how many times have we missed the little love notes he has left for us?  How many times has He wanted to use us and we were to busy or in hurry to even be used.   How many times have we walked by and missed our blessing?  How many times have we missed the will of God for our lives.....because we did not slow down and seek Him?   I pray daily for God to slow me down...I pray not to treat life as if it were an emergency....I try to slowly chew and digest each day....I don't want to wake up one day and realize I have hurried my life away.  I want to savior each day and look for the ways He is speaking to me.   I want all that He has for me.....not just the crumbs of life I have been allowing myself to have but all of the fullness and blessings.   I don't want to miss one more second on things  that don't matter!   Oh the things I have put before God and my family....I cannot ever get those lost moments back....but today...it's a new day....and today I am slowing down more....going to enjoy the gift of life and the blessings He has for me!  I am going to sit longer and talk slower.....I am going to let the seconds turn into minutes... just sit and enjoy the calm...the peace and wait for the that small still voice I know so well.  I am going to enjoy the laughter and moments of life I have right now.....I am not going to worry about tomorrow or the I should have moments....but enjoy the here and now....this day..........

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;"Psalm 46:10

Where do I begin

Where do I begin? I don't really blog...but really feel that I need to start! So where do I even begin? I feel that this will be a spot for me to share with others some of the wonderful and maybe not so wonderful moments of my life with others....maybe someone will read what I am writing and be able to relate with the moments that I am sharing. I am very excited to be doing this.... So I guess I shall begin with a little about me....I am mom to 4 great kids....and 2 furry ones....I have one awesome husband who loves me and for that I am thankful! I love to take pictures and capture the wonderful beauty that God has created. God has spoken to me many times while looking through the lens of my camera. I am not a professional and I don't have plans of ever going that route....but I do have a passion and a love for it. I know right now at this moment I am overwhelmed with Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for the people, trials and for the blessings of my life. I could not ask for more then what I have....well I think that this is all for now....I am looking at a pile of laundry and its getting close for me to start lunch for my kiddos....so much to do today:)